Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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