i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
