D3 body, D1 cock
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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