Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
