i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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