Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
