Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
