This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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