ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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