Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
