you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
