some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
