May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
