I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
