i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
