I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
