in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
