I hate all girls vehemently.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
