1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
