Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
