I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
