i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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