I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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