im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
