i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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