11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
