Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
