I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
