just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
