Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
