So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm eating all of the evidence.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
