just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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