people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
MIDGETS
????
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
