matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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