So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
