you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
