marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
