you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
