The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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