I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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