She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
