Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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