pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
