just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
