Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
