I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
