Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
