Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I party with great urgency now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
