He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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