Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
